I’m right, you know.

Just to set things straight one and for all. All things being equal, a vampire could beat a werewolf in a fight with little issue. Vampires can turn into bats, mist, wolves, and who knows what else. They can climb walls and move fast. Werewolves can only turn into wolves. If you go in for this business of werewolves turning into giant jacked-up bipedal killing machines with opposable thumbs, you’ve fallen prey to the hype. Werewolves turn into wolves and that’s it, and only at the full moon.

Vampires could also beat unicorns. Anyone with a decent weapon could beat a unicorn — that horn is for ornamental purposes only. About the only thing unicorns are good for is appearing to virgins.

A werewolf, on the other hand, might have some trouble besting a unicorn. (Thanks to Sarah for the link. She knows me all too well.) Pit a wolf against a horse sometime — it would be roughly similar to that.

6 thoughts on “I’m right, you know.

  1. goose

    Hmmm this is an excellent topic A-rod!!!! Can a vampire defeat the mummy??? I mean he has all of the biblical plauges at his disposal which is nice. What if he make the river flow as blood instead of water, the vampire thinks he’s in nirvana, gets blood lust loses focus because he’s drinking from the “River O+”, and then the mummy kills him. It could happen, yes?

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  2. Alex

    In keeping with the same concept as the other three contenders, I’m going to say that a vampire would beat a mummy because mummies are corpses. Ain’t much they can do. Now, The Mummy of recent motion picture fame? That’s a bit tougher. I’m going to say that The Mummy would beat Joe the regular vampire, but not necessarily vampires of recent popular media. For example, The Mummy would have no chance against Alucard.

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  3. goose

    gotcha. Though I’m not sure who Alucard is. The only one I can think of is the one from the original Castlevania nintendo game, and you’re right, he was not a nice bloodsucker. What would happen if a vampire, any vampire went up against a demon? Stalemate? Neither one of them can utilize their mutual weaknesses (Crucifix, Holy Water, etc…) but can the demon possess the vampire? or use the ol’ stake thru the heart technique???

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  4. Greg

    You’re baiting me. I know this. But now you get what you knew was coming the moment you grinned to yourself and decided to type this out.

    This post is 100% full of shit. Werewolves are the natural predators of vampires. Take the Hulk wrapped in fur and claws and put it up against Oscar Wilde and my money’s on the werewolf any day of the week.

    Unicorns? Come on. The unicorn can’t even beat the lion without the help of that kid from Stardust, and the lion is a smaller, less intelligent creature than a werewolf.

    Werewolf vs. mummy? Tough, since mummies are supposedly eternal. One thing’s for sure, the mummy won’t be happy about having had the encounter.

    Werewolf vs. Batman? Well, Batman. He beats all. Especially Superman.

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