Ran into one of the IT guys today, the guardian of the Secret Elephant Graveyard, the one who looks like Kamajii but with fewer arms and talks like an ent. He was standing in the men’s room, staring into the mirror and rubbing his beard. I impart to you, gentle reader, this summarized transcript of the conversation which started there and continued into the hallway.
Alex: Given up on pulling out your hair and moved on to the beard?
Kamajii: Nah, just plucking the bugs out.
K: Sometimes I think I should just give up. Just pick ’em off the ground and stick ’em in my beard. Save ’em the trouble.
A: Totally, dude. You should embrace it. You should teach them to do stuff. Like the flea circus in old cartoons.
K: Make them do my bidding. Get into small places.
A: Freak people out.
K: But then the Orkin man would come after me.
A: You could walk into the Pentagon and say “check this shit out”. Apply your powers for the common good. Wear a cloak and stuff.
K: They’d strap me down and do all kinds of experiments on me.
A: If they try it, sic the bugs on ’em.