Lappy So Happy

I blog to you now from the new laptop. I’m not going to tell you that Alanna’s recommendation of led to the purchase, but I will say that apparently one twelfth of the world’s population would do well to buy an electronic device in March according to the stars.

It is an indisputable fact of modern life that Best Buy’s 20-something staffers will try desperately to upsell you a bunch of stuff you don’t need. This is despicable, as they normally use the coarsest of scare tactics to get the ill-informed to make poor decisions with their money. Want to shut them up? I suggest the following:

BB – What are you using this computer for?
AL – Wireless internet and word processing.
BB – Are you familiar with Vista?
AL – Yes. (Technically not true, but assume our definitions of ‘familiar’ differ in this context.)
BB – Well, it doesn’t come with a word processor like…
AL – Not to worry. I use open source software for that.

At this point, the poor fellow blinked several times. ‘Open source’ is the blue-polo-shirt equivalent of ‘Rumplestiltskin’.

BB – Well, what do you use for security? Viruses…
AL – I use open source for that, too.
BB – (now sweating) How about a service plan? You know batteries for these things can cost up to BLANK (where BLANK is half the cost of the laptop). We can (three minutes of pathetic blathering).
AL – No thanks.
BB – Well, here you go, Have a nice day.
AL – That’s right, bitch. I know your secret. I am geekier than you pretend to be, and your three-card-monte bullshit doesn’t work. Now try to sell me a pre-order of Madden 2015. I dare you.

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