Author: gala5931

For someone who doesn’t speak it, I’ve been to an unusually high number of Japanese websites recently.

There’s something captivating about a site written in a non-indoeuropean language. I know we all learned in Psych 101 that linguistic differences do not mean a difference in perception — you know, the fifteen-words-for-snow business — but I don’t buy it. For some time now, I’ve been under the impression that if I were to learn an Asian language, previously untapped mind potentials would be unlocked and I would transcend wisdom.

For now, I’ll stick to reading up on Electroplankton.

Today I walked into the restroom to see a coworker standing at a urinal with a Blackberry in one hand and (presumably) his wang in the other. Dude, seriously. Pull yourself together.

To those of you starved for more content, I apologize. I have now linked to Goose’s blog and to The Trials, one o’ them moblogs. Enjoy, fellow web wackos.

I’m not sure which is scarier: this dude’s extensive collection of links to flash games or how many of them I had seen before. This is my favorite so far.

People have been telling me that the Buffalo Airport was closed this morning due to a weird package, and that this package contained Star Wars memorabilia. I’d like to go on the record as stating that it wasn’t me.

You want to know what an awesome wedding looks like? Click here.

Now, we all know I’m one sour-pussed bastard, but this event warmed even my icy heart, and I am honored and grateful to have been a part of it. This slideshow displays the pictures from my camera which came out best — both the camera and my scanner are weak, so imagine them all a little better than they are. They show the seamy underbelly of the wedding, the iniquitous domain of college friends and other rapscallions. Oh, and I saw the note-passing, you sly dog.

I think I’m finally getting the swing of being in wedding parties. I leave this post as a reminder to my future groomsman selves.

#1 – You don’t need to get completely waffled at the rehearsal dinner. Stop doing this.
#2 – One extra handkerchief just isn’t enough; consider bringing one for each groomsman. Once the sweating starts, they’ll be a commodity.
#3 – Bring food, and lots of it. When people say “the limo is stocked” they don’t mean with cookies.
#4 – No red wine, unless you want to be “that purple-stained tux guy”.

Garv posted something that all you would-be writers should check out: the DFILM moviemaker. “In 1999, DFILM launched the MovieMaker, which let users create a short animated cartoon on a website and email it to their friends.” From a writer’s standpoint, it is extremely limiting, and that’s what makes it so intriguing. With a limit of three scenes of four different types, two characters and max six 100-character lines of dialogue per scene, how much story can you get across? The limitations force you to get to the bare bones of your story and work with the absolute basics of theater. As an example, here’s Hamlet in three scenes. Not high drama, but a good exercise in composition. Also, the art is all pretty funny.

For those of you (by which I mean all of you) B A Starters who don’t really do the whole “go to the doctor” thing, take a look at this site. Also known as “stuff to freak out about”. This site has got to be at least as dependable as asking med student friends for their medical advice over a beer and a smoke.

See? I care about you and your well-being.

In God of War, half the game is getting through a series of trials to prove yourself worthy of receiving the ultimate weapon. From time to time, as you do the impossible again and again, you come across recently deceased warriors who got to a specific point and didn’t hit the right switch in time to avoid being skewered (or whatever). How do the gods react to this?

Zeus: Looks like we’ve got a contender! He made it past the minotaur, figured out the underwater puzzle, survived the spinny blade thing…

Athena: I hope this is the guy. I’m getting tired of putting that rock back on the shoulders of the Atlas statue and rebuilding the stained glass window for every schmuck that makes it past the “endless” desert.

Zeus: Oh, this is the winner. I mean, look at him! You’d think I was his father! As a matter of fact, does he look a little like a swan to you?

Athena: Damn it! He didn’t catch that second rope! I told you they were too far apart!

Zeus: Only the one who proves himself worthy can wield…

Athena: Oh, come on! Did you see how fast he figured out the move-the-rocks puzzle? This was the guy, but no… the rope swing has to be at least the length of the mighty Zeus’s pinky toe! Only those who can swing the length of the Sky Father’s pinky toe deserve the blessing of the gods!

Zeus: Watch it, Athy…

Athena: Or you’re going to do what? Chain me to a rock and have a gecko nibble my appendix out for eternity? Who’s going to help you outwit that shrewish wife of yours while I’m being punished? Huh? Who? You going to have Hephaestos build a Robo-Zeus to sit in the throne while you’re chasing the mortal skirts? Think you can distract Apollo from harassing nymphs long enough to help you? Huh? Do ya?

Zeus: I’ll take your owl away.

Athena: Sure you will, tough guy. Sure you will. I’m going to go see if anyone sacrificed anything worth eating. Let me know if anyone passes your test — I’ll be holding my breath.