Author: gala5931

Just came from the grocery store. Someone asked me if I worked there. I’m guessing it’s the eveningwear-Ken slacks and white shirt combined with the frustrated, bored demeanor.

Tired of “news” about runaway brides? B A Start brings you the important stuff. Looks like Gates let the news out that he’s planning to ship the next version of the Xbox this year.

Now, I got the Xbox in the fall of last year. Despite the chorus of wails from the leet community, I had no issues buying the Xbox with the full knowledge of the rumors. As I made small talk with one of my brother’s geek friends, he expressed deep concern about the purchase, since the next-next-gen machine was due out “next year”. I patted him on the head and told him it would all be okay somehow. He’d see. There are plenty of Xbox titles out there to keep me occupied well into the career of the Xbox 360 (or whatever it ends up being named), but this line of reasoning cannot be followed by a geek. You have two choices — retrogaming or the latest/greatest. I felt it best to let the topic slide. The black-shirt-with-white-text-wearing squirrel of a man skittered into the other room, presumably to level up his paladin.

I was going pen a small post asking if it was possible for there to be anything geekier than Star Wars Risk, but then I remembered Lego Star Wars: The Video Game. Good gravy. A walk through Target is like visiting the inside of a deranged Lucasarts marketing director’s secretest fantasy. I thought the blitz for Episode I was bad — I refused to believe, couldn’t believe that anything could surpass Amidala shampoo. It would appear that I was incorrect. My guess is that they fear the release of Episode III to be their last chance to make a gazillion or two off or Lucas’s thirty-year-old vision, despite promises of a couple TV shows in the works.

We have something required of us which was not required of generations prior, something they took quite for granted. The proliferation of the internet repeatedly puts us in the situation of having to define ourselves. Every email address, every screenname, every new logon, every forum membership, every blog comment requires an identity, and for the first time in history we have to make it up on our own.

This is a boon and curse, of course. Now your last name or skin color doesn’t define you unless you want it to. So the question is, what is one to do? A great exercise in this is making an avatar for yourself on this website, pointed out to me by Tom ages ago.

So what do you pick? Do you make your online identity the same as your real world one?

A cooler version of yourself?

Someone vastly different?

Something outlandish?

The choice is yours, and that isn’t necessarily a good thing. More on this later.

A surprisingly heated debate took place between some friends the other day on where the movie Underworld is set. Opinions were as follows:

London, because they have British accents. Clearly wrong, since the subway has none of those Mind The Gap warnings.

America, because the non-vampires (Michael and his co-worker) have US accents, the two great covens are divided by “a great ocean”, and there are Bacardi posters. Also wrong, because of the following.

Somewhere in Eastern Europe, because Michael’s street address looks like it would be in Eastern Europe.

Here’s the straight dope. Michael Corvin’s address listed as “Laktos Joszef 39 ut.” In Hungarian, utca means “street” and uttest means “road”. Also, the movie was filmed in Budapest.

On related notes, Jonathan Harker’s journal entries in Dracula start with him arriving in Budapest and there is a Corvinus University in Budapest.

Here’s something for the geeks. Want to be like Michael Bolton of Office Space, but just can’t get into rap? I recommend this album. Whether you realize it or not, you know who Del the Funky Homosapien (alternate spelling “tha funkee”) is. Since you’re a geek, I know you’ve played Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3. Remember skating to this song about personal hygiene? That’s Del. Your geekiness also reveals that you have at least tried to like the band Gorillaz despite the fact their music isn’t particularly notable. Who can resist a band that only exists in animation? Their most recognizable song is
Clint Eastwood, featuring Del. You should give one of his albums a listen, as he raps mainly about playing videogames and/or getting high.

Deltron 3030, the album recommended above, is a space opera about a former mechsoldier who battles the powers that control the galaxy. I mean, come on. It’s great stuff, but you don’t want to get caught rocking out to it. “Look at that geek listening to rap music — what a poser. Wait a minute, did I just hear the word ‘plasteel’?”. So close the blinds, crank the speakers, and enjoy it before anyone notices.

Happy TV-Turnoff Week everybody. Every minute you’re not watching TV is a minute you’re paying for and not using, so give the cable company what they want. While you’re at it, go buy dinner and throw it out the window of your car.

I have no idea why TV gets such a bad rap. You know what people did with their free time before TV? Sat on the porch and watched nothing go by. Sat and watched the fireplace. It’s not as if the pre-TV era was a golden age of physical activity and intellectual stimulation which was replaced by zombiism because we are all too dumb to turn away from a glowing light. People have always sat on their asses, and will continue to do so until Judgement.

My favorite part of the CNN.com story on TV-Turnoff Week is the content-sensitive ad bar that points you to places to buy televisions.

After trying once again and once again failing to read The Arabian Nights, I find myself with a question. You see, Aladdin gets his hands on a magic ring and a magic lamp, either of which when rubbed will cause a genie to appear and give him anything he wants. Everyone knows that the genie only offers three wishes, but this is not so in the version I read. So, when did this limitation get added on? I’m filing this next my long-standing question of when Atlantis changed from the destroyed city to the city in the bubble on the ocean floor: in the folder labelled “Stuff You’ll Never Know”.

Rumor has it I have been memed, meaning that I must answer a question and pass the question on. Okey dokey.

What is the stupidest thing I have ever done? Most of my stupid doings are those of omission — forgetting things or not keeping track of them. I stuck my fingers in an outlet once. Backed into a concrete post. There was the phone number incident.

Myself and a dozen other Boy Scouts from around the US were backpacking in New Mexico for two weeks. I was the leader, and had the maps. One day, we had a particularly difficult hike ahead of us — up and down two mountains for a total of about twenty miles. When we reached the top of the first mountain, I picked the wrong trail. Long story short, we spent too many hours walking the wrong way in painful heat and a kid almost died.

And there you have it, the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. The moral of the story is “don’t give Alex the map,” an adage which has held true for every one of the thirteen years since that event. And now comes the part where I pass it on:

Jess, Emily, and the madcap band of misfits that is Webshite.

Tonight’s entertainments were about going back to things I thought were good and discovering I was mistaken.

First, the movie Goldeneye — the first Bond movie with Brosnan and the basis of my all-time favorite videogame. This should be good, right? As it turns out, 80’s action movie music, unattractive Bond girls, and general cheesiness do not a good film make. I don’t think a single good Bond flick has been made post-Connery.

Second, Jedi Academy. In an attempt to temporarily stave off the creeping Star Wars madness, I rented this game for the Xbox today. I loved its predecessor, so my expectations were high. Yikes. The graphics are terrible, I can’t stand hearing my character say “hup” every damn time he jumps, and if I walk by one more bad guy while waving my lightsaber all around him without touching him, I refuse to be held responsible for my actions.

On an only slightly related note, I have this to look forward to. Must… keep expectations… low….

And, to wrap up, after years of sitting idly by as I watch the movies and spend disgusting numbers of hours playing the games, my wife has had to listen to the James Bond theme song more than any woman in the world.