Author: gala5931

Ah, the bored joy of a day off. I strongly recommend it. Yes, you’re going to end up feeling like you wasted the day screwing around. Yes, there will be emails a-plenty waiting for you Monday morning. Nonetheless, it is still worth it. I also recommend planning days off and vacation ahead of time. Having something to look forward to can apparently make a difference.

I’ve noticed that “stressed” has become the characteristic by which people define me. Not my close friends (while I’m sure many would not hesitate to call me such, it’s not the alpha/omega), but the various acquaintances, family members, and guest stars that fill in the gaps in the warp and woof of my interpersonal fabric. The small talk they offer when forced to talk to me reveals that the only thing they know about me is that I have a stressful job. That roughly translates to “wuss” right?

So what to do about this? Anything? Should I care?

Step 1: more vacation. Screw this coal miner crap.

Step 2: invent an interesting hobby and tell everyone about it. That way, when these poor, kind people are stuck talking to me, they can ask “so, how’s the ostrich farm?” or “hey, I saw something on snowmobiles yesterday. You still drag race them?”.

I suppose I could actually start an interesting hobby but that don’t hardly sound like me.

I’ve been trying very, very hard not to like this song. It’s just not working. Now, from my standpoint you have two choices when it comes to contemporary rock bands that might be gay and definitely wear makeup: wacko art students Franz Ferdinand or Las Vegas wusses The Killers. The main difference between these two bands is that Franz Ferdinand is good. Imagine my embarrassment and surprise, then, when I find myself declaring to other motorists that I’m Mr. Brightside.

I move we censor bagpipes. Like touchdown celebrations, the use of the once understandable, even appropriate, piping had become uncontained, unbridled in its fervor. I refer in particular to the sound of bagpipes being used in cinema and television as the theme for the beautiful-warlike-melancholy-male. It is as if the instrument can only play mournful war ballads.

The sound is now used as a convenient way to elicit the aforementioned Braveheart emotion. Why bother writing decent dialogue or presenting moving imagery when Hamish McHamish can set his bag to “archetype” and bring on the tears for a lot less capital?

The problem is that this doesn’t work. Despite the best efforts of the entertainment industry, we haven’t yet become Pavloved enough to paint ourselves blue every time some red-haired cannibal breathes into a Hoover. So stop it. Enough already. Save it for something actually Scottish.

You know what happened before The Great Escape? Blur hung out with a bunch of rich people, and it really pissed them off.

I’ve started a new blog for my GT4 pics.

Ok, Spring. Let’s get with the program here. Tell Jack Frost he’s had enough fun at our expense and make with the decent weather. It’s not that I’m a big outdoors guy, like I’m waiting to get back to jetskiing or anything like that. I’m just ready to retire the snowbrush.

I sat down and mapped out my calendar of time off the other day. All these Universal Orlando “take back your vacation” commercials must be getting to me.

And that’s all I’ve got for you today.

Before picking up GT4, I asked Her Worshipfulness a rhetorical question: Just who do they think is going to take pictures of their digital cars and share them with people? Her reply: “People like you, Alex. People just like you.”

Can anyone explain to me why Bode Miller was the USA Today cover story today? I mean aside from the fact that USA Today sucks.

Now, I’m a fan of competitive skiing. Any time it appears on my TV, my remote can be found lying on the floor behind my shortly after. One might think that watching people ski the exact same run over and over, missing each other’s times by imperceptible fractions of seconds, would be boring. Not to this guy. Imagine my surprise when I see Bode Miller on the front page. Cool, right? But… skiing? That’s the big news today? Aren’t we engaged in two different wars?

Well, I was going to post about the fact that Oliver Wood is played by a guy named Biggerstaff, but Garv saved you all.

1. which cartoon character from our youth are you most similar to, and which would you prefer to be most like?

Most similar to: First base, Bugs Bunny. Now, I know that probably sounds self-important, picking major character like that, but here’s the deal. My smart-ass attitude gets me in trouble and I have a propensity for getting lost.

Want to be: Tigra. Mental powers, can teleport, has awesome bolo thing, and banging Cheetara. Ho!!!

2. let’s say you write the next “great american novel”. who would you most like to write glowing reviews for the dust jacket?

The concept of the great American novel is a complicated one, worthy of its own post, so I’ll answer the question you asked. Elizabeth Cook, author of Achilles. Her book is as close to perfect as I can imagine, and I can imagine quite a bit.

3. what’s your favorite curse word? (okay, that is a james lipton one, but it’s still a good question.)

I like me some ‘hell’, certainly, but I’d have to say ‘Jesus’. Gets the freaks all riled up.

4. a genie appears but can only grant three food wishes. what are your perfect breakfast, lunch, and dinner menus?

Breakfast: pancakes w/ real maple syrup, bacon. OJ, coffee.

Lunch: bread, olives, cheese. Coca-cola.

Dinner: Spaghetti and meat sauce. Salad. Bread. Wine.

5. what is one thing about you that you have never admitted on B A Start?

My last name.

The First Annual Buffalo Winter Driving Skills Competition

Day 1: Parking

• Parallel park a 1992 Buick Century between two SUV’s on the side of the road that should have been plowed before the sides switched but wasn’t. Points awarded for time, proximity to curb, and lack of vehicle damage.
• Park a sedan in an unplowed driveway between two houses. Demerits for hitting either house or not pulling far enough up.
• Park on the road in such a way that a passing plow will not hit you, but a woman in heels can get out of the passenger side door without sliding under the vehicle. (Woman to be provided by event manager.)
• Elmwood Village, 5 am. No one has shoveled. Find a spot that isn’t in front of someone’s driveway.

Day 2: Time trials

• Drive down Main Street from Delevan to Allen in under ten minutes. Automatic disqualification if driver hits a pothole or if the “Low Trac” idiot light comes on at any time. Good luck.
• The 33 from the198 to Genesee. Without windshield wiper fluid.

Day 3: Special events

• You have a fifteen minute drive and a cold car. Find the balance between interior temperature and visibility due to the fog level of the windshield. Judged by an anemic woman with no gloves who hasn’t had lunch.
• Navigate Gates Circle safely. The circle will be filled with cars driven by people on cellphones, the elderly, and people who only brushed the snow off the driver’s side windshield.
• Take a left out of Panos at 1pm on Saturday. Points awarded for least number of people dead.

No four wheel / all wheel drive vehicles allowed. Extra points distributed based on amount of rust on your vehicle — 1 point per event per square inch. Three extra points per event if you compete with your girlfriend in the car.