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I played a dangerous game yesterday. I discussed Worlds of Warcraft with a friend. Several of my friends and relatives have fallen prey to the Massively Multiplayer Online Role-playing genre, spending hours of their time running around in fake worlds with other enthusiasts. My understanding of the gameplay went as follows:

#1 – It’s just like a regular videogame, but there all kinds of annoying real-world people running around bugging you.

#2 – You start off and people pick on you because you are new. Then you spend all kinds of time doing boring shit because you need to level up. Once you’re at a respectable level, the newcomers ask you for stuff all the time.

#3 – Any time you do too well, the company that maintains the game sends somebody in to slap you around.

#4 – It’s expensive, time-consuming, and unforgivably geek-ass.

Now, all of these things may or not be true. Nonetheless, people just love the hell out this Worlds of Warcraft game. So what’s the draw? I’ve heard that the social aspect is fun, that you team up with your friends and do stuff, that there’s a great deal of variety of diversions. Still, though… pretending to be a magical elf-warrior? Come on.

So, I quiz a compatriot of mine on the game last night. His answers were satisfactory. Almost too satisfactory.

So, you don’t have to fight anybody?
No, man. I don’t player-kill. And you can level up by doing quests. Like “bring me some stuff” kind of things.

What do you do?
I’m a tailor. I make armor, bags, and stuff like that. I sell it to people, or give it away.

Are there sports?
Kind of. There are places where you can join a team of capture-the-flag and stuff like that.

This all sounded fine. A lot better than the “go hunting for beasties, raid their dead bodies for currency, spend that currency on better gear, repeat” formula I expected. As he went into detail of how the various races and classes interact, something caught my fading attention: “…different languages…”

Turns out the different races speak different languages, and if your character doesn’t speak them, the text the other users type come out as gibberish. As a language-geek, this raised a mighty eyebrow.

Fortunately, there’s no way my machine could run the game. Otherwise, I have a real fear that some night I’d end up drunkenly setting up Atharien, the Enchanter Linguist.

So, I figured out to do with the old NES — fix it. Now if I could only find my damn games. Basement? Closet? My brothers? College roommate? I know I’ve got a light gun and a game genie around somewhere too. I’ll keep you posted.

Finally stepping to the plate, Greg decided that a comment on the vampire-rules-all post just wasn’t enough, and decided to harass me via email. The results follow.

Greg – I just read your little vampire post. Who do you think you’re kidding?

Alex – Dude. For the purposes of that post, werewolves turn into regular old wolves. Not jacked-up uberwolfmen. I kid no one!

Greg – For the purposes of that post? You can’t just change the rules under that auspice.

Alex – And by your rationale, I should be using the vampire powers laid out in Anne Rice, or even Castlevania. The concept was classic v classic. It’s not my fault your precious werewolves suck.

Greg – You did use the vampire powers laid out in castlevania. Specifically, Symphony of the Night.

If we’re taking about the lonely count in the castle, then you ought to take the wolfman against him since they’re both romantic flavored tales. If we’re talking about the very first myths, take Lycaon, but then take the nosferatu skeevy bugger who simply drinks human blood.

If we’re talking about legends, well the man-into-wolf is one. The man into ferocious dire-wolf immune to normal weapons is another (loup-garou). The man into 15ft tall hulking, furred, clawed, fanged biped who rides the winds, disappears by turning sideways and hunts with the aid of evil spirits is yet another (wendigo).

Sorry to keep on this. Academically, I just don’t think the proper comparisons were made.

Alex – I meant “DARK METAMORPHOSIS!!!” etc.

You know, I agree. Dracula was not the origin of the vampire legend, and thus should not necessarily have counted. Or, if I was going to use the earliest popularization of the legend, I should have used… The Wolfman or something. I’ll be sure to post your statements for all to see, Mr, Wikipedia.

Greg – The wikipedia was of no help to me. I went there, but it had nothing that I didn’t already know on the subject. I had to search the far corners of the internet to verify my knowledge on those obscure bits!

I continue to lay the groundwork for my pending purchase of a Nintendo DS. Today, on yet another trip to Target, I showed Her Worshipfulness Nintendogs, complete with cooing “awwwlookatim” noises, and even she could not resist the cuteness. Everything is going according to plan.

Recently played Castlevania: Seemphony Of De Naaayt. Fantastic game in which you are the son of Dracula and some human chick and are trying to keep ol’ Vlad from returning to life because you like people. There are four different endings, depending on how you beat the game. I took the time to get the fourth ending, and let me tell you, even having removed any “oh my god this is so frickin cheesy” thoughts from my mind, I was disappointed.

You see, in the third ending, the son of Drac tells his boon companions that he’s off to kill himself to end the line of Nosferatu forever. In the fourth, it’s the same deal, except that one of the said companions runs off after him, apparently under the impression that her amorous intentions would keep him from driving a stake through his heart.

Are you kidding me? If you’re going to go through the effort of making a tale of Gothic horror, don’t make the ending be about getting the girl. Where’s your head at, Konami?

OK kids. Here’s another B A Start poll!

My old NES is no worky-worky, and I want to do something horribly nerdy with the case. But what? Best I can come up with is a drink-holder, but I’m sure we can do better.

Started another blog project, a smallish parody of our beloved Elmwood community:

http://buffalodropping.blogspot.com/

Today I engaged in a conversation about old computers, and the Wang came up.

“You think that’s bad? I used have to use the Wang. We’d have to go the Wang room. ‘Hey, you done in there? I really need the Wang!’”

How the hell am I supposed to keep a straight face? Huh? How?

Just to set things straight one and for all. All things being equal, a vampire could beat a werewolf in a fight with little issue. Vampires can turn into bats, mist, wolves, and who knows what else. They can climb walls and move fast. Werewolves can only turn into wolves. If you go in for this business of werewolves turning into giant jacked-up bipedal killing machines with opposable thumbs, you’ve fallen prey to the hype. Werewolves turn into wolves and that’s it, and only at the full moon.

Vampires could also beat unicorns. Anyone with a decent weapon could beat a unicorn — that horn is for ornamental purposes only. About the only thing unicorns are good for is appearing to virgins.

A werewolf, on the other hand, might have some trouble besting a unicorn. (Thanks to Sarah for the link. She knows me all too well.) Pit a wolf against a horse sometime — it would be roughly similar to that.

Today I overheard a coworker saying she bought her age-11 son an electric blue Nintendo DS for his birthday, and that he has many systems already. Being the community-minded citizen I am, I strolled over to her desk to strike up a conversation on the topic. After a few lead-in remarks, I asked if she was familiar with the ESRB rating system, and if she checked the ratings before buying games for her kid. She told me she usually made her judgement on the appropriateness of the title based on the picture on the box front.

Not ten minutes later she had full knowledge of the ESRB’s rating system, provided by yours truly. My good deed for the day is done — my coworker is protected; now armed with good information upon which to base purchasing decisions, as opposed to marketing information or her kid’s opinion. The child is protected, and will not be exposed to any non-parent-approved content. And most importantly, the game company is protected. No Grand Theft Auto for that kid, and thus no litigation, keeping our game prices low. It is my sincere hope that she tells all her friends about the ESRB, spreading the good word that they don’t have to guess anymore.

Videogame companies often cite the ESRB ratings when faced with accusations of creating mindless, violence-hungry zombies out of America’s future generations, as well they should. The information is there for the asking, right on the front and back of every box. Clearly the overarching issues is that parents and loved ones just aren’t aware.

I would urge all B A Starters to make an effort to distribute information about the ESRB to parents. It’s a valuable tool in the effort to regulate America’s childrens’ exposure to inappropriate media, a great service to our society. Videogames have cost fifty bucks a pop for a long time now, and mainstream society’s steady drive towards class action suits against game developers and distributors must be stopped if we want to keep it that way.

For the sake of our wallets, we must act. Talk to your friends to see what their awareness level is. Hold an ESRB awareness drive in your hometown. Get a float in a local parade. Hand out flyers in front of Target and Walmart (with permission, of course). I have set up a cafepress site, where you can purchase a “Save Our Games” bumper sticker — show your support! It’s up to us to make this work.