Smells like Dork Spirit

OK, ladies. Looking for a way to attract the attentions of a book-lover like myself? Try this perfume. Guaranteed to turn the pencil-necked heads of owl-eyed Classics majors everywhere. I’ll be honest — I don’t think I can be expected to be held accountable for my actions if I smell this on someone, so if you want avoid a tawdry night of discussion on Sir Orfeo, use it with care.