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Saw an odd thing on this Geek Day. A Domino’s delivery vehicle. Why odd? Any native Buffalo pizza place on its worst day beats the highest quality Domino’s has ever or will ever provide. What kind of sick individual orders Domino’s around here? Stockholders? Why Geek Day? The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King Special Edition DVD is released tonight at midnight. Every nerd in America is sitting at his computer right now, considering whether or not to wait. This in and of itself is more of a Geek Observance than a full Geek Day, but the fact that the Sci-Fi original feature Earthsea, based on the books of Ursula LeGuin, is also coming out today takes us out of Ordinary Time and in to the holiday.

Been hitting the links pretty hard for the last few days. On the last hole of an already supremely dominant game (14 under par, suckers), I was all the way on the other side of the heavily slanted green. I measured it out best I could and putted, prepared to putt again. But no. The ball made a beautiful curve and dropped quietly into the hole. Just then, I was distracted by music and women, and missed my chance to save the replay. As screen after screen of accolades for broken records came up, all I could do was bemoan the loss of what is sure to be my career’s greatest shot.

When people rent, one of the attributes they consider in an apartment is often summarized as “character”. This can be roughly translated to “looks old”. My apartment, for example, has one of the quaint, old-timey round analog thermostats. It doesn’t work. The heat is either on or off, and does not stop when the assigned temperature has been reached. This makes for some very cold mornings, since there’s no one awake to turn the heat on and off every couple of hours. The morning shave has become a trial of fire. The good news is, the milk stays very cool in my cereal, and I believe I am becoming hardened to the cold. Don’t worry, I won’t rub it in.

The latest addition to the cheap-assed gamer’s collection is EA’s Tiger Woods 2003. Having never played any other golf games, unless you count some denomination of Golden Tee, a four-hole free demo I downloaded for my PDA, or an old math game for the C64, I can’t really tell you if there is/are more/better courses/players/equipment, and having never played real-world golf I can’t make any comparison to actual experience, but I can tell you it’s grand fun. The Samurai Jack mini-cutscenes that play when you hit a long drive are worth it in and of themselves.

Press conference at the hospital today. You see, we bought this robot. The surgeon sits down and moves a controller around, and then the robot mimics the movements on a much smaller scale. As my betters got up in front of the cameras explaining the benefits of less invasive surgery methods and the long-terms cost savings, my stare could not be averted from the motionless arms of the robot, silent and poised. I had a meeting to go to, and thus did not get to see the merged-man-machine in action. From the lack of alarms, I inferred that my fear that the robot would take control of its master and go on a rampage, committing wanton acts of healthcare in accordance to its programming throughout the downtown area until well-meaning law enforcement personnel were forced to shoot the misunderstood beast down was not founded. And by “fear”, I mean “hope”.

From the Dissendium forums:

“You’re likely to need at least 32mb of Video RAM in order to play Quidditch 3D.”

Dang it!

It’s over. UPS picked up the old and busted Dell today, after DHL’s failed attempts. What can Brown do for me? Get my stuff back to Dell so fast that I’ve already received confirmation, that’s what. How did they track stuff before the internet? Before computers? Before fax machines? We live in an age that is sure to some day be hearkened back to as golden.

I have known the eternity of death, and it is the stretch of I-90 between Erie, PA and Buffalo, NY. That drive reminds me of various conversations I have been subjected to in which people try to explain to me how time goes slower when you travel at the speed of light. Or something like that. The scenery calls to mind the scrolling backgrounds in Hanna-Barbera cartoons. Only by losing one’s self and accepting that cruel Time will place you in Buffalo when she sees fit and no sooner can you survive without descending into utter madness. Be warned.

Looks like I might be a step closer to playing a worthwhile Quidditch game. Dissendium.com, a Harry Potter fansite, is in the midst of developing a 3d quidditch game for free download, and promises it will be available “sooner than you think”. This strikes me as the ideal situation — a free game conceived and implemented by serious HP geeks with no concern for marketability. The way I bludge on you will be unorthodox.

Never been to Ikea before. No one told me it was enchanted. All people who enter are doomed to walk in circles, passing the same secret-language-labelled displays over and over until they decide to buy something. At that point, the prices get lower the more one looks around, drawing the starry-eyed customer deeper and deeper into the maze. The key to escape is left right out in the open, mocking those who overlook them — hideous yellow bags are piled in bins around the store, and only by plucking one will the unwitting shopper reveal the exit.