Author: gala5931

Let me tell you, my friends, the tale of two Super Bowls. I was invited to two events this year, and split my time between them.

The first took place on a remote island. I walked into the garage and was greeted by two dogs and two very large men. I had interrupted their game of Madden 2000 for the N64, but they didn’t seem to mind. I put my beer in the snow out back. Inside, chicken wing dip and tacitos (sp?) were warming for our delight. We set up the table to play a drinking game they had made up a few weeks prior, which mainly involves the throwing of dice and the shouting of rude names. This was a grand time.

Back to the city for Super Bowl event number two. A walk up to the finished attic revealed three men dressed in black and seated in front of a very large TV, staring in silence. A table to the side had homemade guacamole and gourmet cheese to eat. The men drank cola, or mixed drinks. We watched the game, mainly making fun of the commentators, until about the end of the third quarter, at which point someone put a motion on the floor to break up the uncomfortable silence and change the entertainment to the Xbox. For the remainder of the night we shot the hell out of each other with great success. This, also, was a grand time.

And there you have it. A short trip down the highway between the two ends of the earth.

Let me tell you, my friends, the tale of two Super Bowls. I was invited to two events this year, and split my time between them.

The first took place on a remote island. I walked into the garage and was greeted by two dogs and two very large men. I had interrupted their game of Madden 2000 for the N64, but they didn’t seem to mind. I put my beer in the snow out back. Inside, chicken wing dip and tacitos (sp?) were warming for our delight. We set up the table to play a drinking game they had made up a few weeks prior, which mainly involves the throwing of dice and the shouting of rude names. This was a grand time.

Back to the city for Super Bowl event number two. A walk up to the finished attic revealed three men dressed in black and seated in front of a very large TV, staring in silence. A table to the side had homemade guacamole and gourmet cheese to eat. The men drank cola, or mixed drinks. We watched the game, mainly making fun of the commentators, until about the end of the third quarter, at which point someone put a motion on the floor to break up the uncomfortable silence and change the entertainment to the Xbox. For the remainder of the night we shot the hell out of each other with great success. This, also, was a grand time.

And there you have it. A short trip down the highway between the two ends of the earth.

Did something new today. Took a half an hour drive to see a car. A local Ford dealership has a GT on display, and Holy Jesus was it worth it. They made like 5,000 of these things, and they run about $125K. If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up. Right there in the showroom, besides the disappointing Mustang, is this beast of a vehicle, on display behind a white chain as if it were a piece of art. Now, if I were a for-real car guy, I’d be going on about all kinds of details. I’m only a dabbler, so all I can say is that it was goddamn hot. Once again I find myself incapable of waiting for Gran Turismo 4.

Here’s the only negative thing I have to say about the Ford GT: there’s a sweet looking speaker between the seats. Why is that negative? Under what circumstances are you playing the radio while driving this thing? Aren’t you supposed to be listening to the angelic (demonic?) hum of the engine behind your head? Shit, if I owned that car, I’d have an Ipod with a single mp3 of that sound and would listen to it all the damn time.

A lunch-time conversation about this led to a discussion of the recent trend in handheld devices, that being the all-in-one. Cell phones that are cameras. PDAs with wireless internet. Et cetera.

So, just what would the ideal all-in-one have?

• Phone
• Pager – a subset of phone, really.
• Wireless internet – so we can all be mindless blackberry drones.
• USB drive – disks are so 2002.
• PDA, and everything that implies.
• MP3 player
• Digital camera
• Video recorder – phones have these now, right?
• DVD player – miniDVDs are on their way, so why not?
• Videogame device – with the rash of handhelds coming out, add a D-pad to the thing and we’re go.
• GPS device
• Radio – kinda weird to think about, isn’t it? Transistor radios?
  
• Satellite TV – possible? No clue.
  

Any of these would also be cool.

• flashlight – so you can stop using the spooky screen-glow to find things in the dark,
  
• tazer / mace / personal alarm – the issue here it, it becomes a weapon.
  
• tweezers, toothpick, etc. Anything in the Victorinox Swiss Card
  
• mini-projector – why not?
  
• lighter – Colibri makes real small ones. Throw it on there! Need a light? It’s right next to the button that reveals all of my personal information!
  

Recent events have sown the seeds for the latest in my series of stories set in someone else’s world: Bond in Buffalo.

James Bond, after having many adventures in exotic locales, finally tracks his quarry to Buffalo, NY. Q makes him take the BMW, because he won’t let the Vanquish anywhere near the Rust Belt. Bond shows up on a Sunday afternoon in December, dying for a drink after the endlessly boring drive of the 90. At first, he is under the impression that a neutron bomb has gone off, due to the utter lack of people or traffic. M informs him there’s a Bills game on.

He heads straight for the restaurant at which he is supposed to meet his escort for the night. He walks to the bar and lights up a smoke, much to the surprise and dismay of everyone around him. A woman walks up and asks that he extinguish it, slipping something into his jacket pocket.

It’s an invitation to a party being held by the evil mastermind, as per the plan. James downs his martini and heads back to his car, which is now covered with snow. As he brushes it off, getting salt and snow all over his suit, somebody asks him for thirty-seven cents to get to Niagara Falls. James declines and drives off.

A few hours later, and the party begins. James is on the prowl for someone to close the movie with, but can’t help noticing that all of the women are middle-aged and short. He asks the bartender where all the girls are, and receives the answer that everyone of eligible age has moved away. The bartender is clearly disappointed that James is straight.

Bond sneaks around until he is face to face with the bad guy, whose henchman captures him. As Bond is slowly lowered to a painful death, the mastermind reveals his plan to buy land to the west of every major city in the world. He will make man-made lakes, causing lake effect weather across the globe.

The mastermind would have been happy hijacking the signature bridge to get the bingo monies, or even opening a Mighty Taco at the new waterfront, but these were just pipe dreams, and now, scarred and disappointed, he is bent on world domination.

After the flood of complaints I have received about my lack of posts, I bring you Alex’s Week at a Glance. Imagine a man going to work and being really pissed off. Now imagine a man sleeping. Anything not listed below can be assumed to be one of the above.

M – TW 2003 and BSG. We all know Tiger Woods is grand fun, but most of us are sadly unaware that Battlestar Galactica defies all sensibility and is good. Like good good. Get off your high horse and give it a watch. We know you liked Next Generation, try as you might to hide it.

T – AVP. Good? No. Awesome? Yes. Now, the debate has certainly earned the title “age-old” by this point, but I’ll rehash it once again. The Predator would beat the Aliens. It would beat a single alien, it would beat a hive of aliens, it would beat the queen alien. It would beat a face-hugger. The aliens are only nasty because they hide in the dark all the time. The Predator can see in the dark. Conversation over.

W – Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. This movie set out to recreate the style of old adventure serials. It did a great, great job at this. The problem is, old adventure serials suck.

H – Go out drinking.

F – Work event, at which I further alienate myself from my coworkers. There was a limbo contest, in which I did not participate.

And there you have it.

Where I be at indeed.

Since it appears to have been far, far too long since last I posted, here’s something untimely ripped from webshite to tide you over:

Had some lads by to play some Halo 2. Played Oddball. Liked Oddball. Frustrated the hell out of my compatriots with the following strategy: when you’re about to die with the ball, jump off a cliff. He who chases you must then go all the way back to the ball’s spawn point. I suggest throwing the ball back towards them as you fall to your doom, just to mess with ’em. If ever there was justification for building a “give the finger” command in to a game, this is it. Imagine the joy of taking the ball into the bottomless chasm, leaving your enemy staring down at the bird.

Snow and cold means no leaving the house. And that means the History Channel. Every US President from Rutherford B Hayes to George W Bush. The French Revolution. The war of 1812. My field of vision now has a little “H” burned into its lower right corner.

Went to install an old favorite, Homeworld: Cataclysm, on the new machine yesterday. It didn’t work. I swore loudly. Downloaded a patch. It worked.

If you never played any of the HW series and are a fan of spaceships, you must give this game or any of the others in the series a try. First game to have 3D space strategy. The controls are surprisingly easy, the design is cool, and I do love the downtempo music. So go check out the demo, at the very least.

HW2 Downloads Page

HW:C Demo Page

God damn cold out there. Our plans of running various errands have been thwarted by one Mister John Frost. So now we sit inside, waiting for nothing to happen. This is one of those days where having two computers looks better and better.

I tell you a tale of a young man, a man in his prime, and an idiot. Once, I took a class on Greek language. The professor was wise and friendly, but had little patience for dimwittedness. I enjoyed this class quite a bit, and ended up taking many of his courses throughout my college career.

Years later, I was approached by a friend who had only just recently graduated. He told me that one day, the said same professor was giving a lecture, came to a certain point and asked the class some questions about it. After not receiving the answers he was hoping for, he stated “Don’t worry about it. In all my years of teaching this course, only one student ever really understood this concept.” The person, my friend claimed, was me. He then went on to tell me that he told the professor he knew me, to which I replied “So? What was it?!?!”.

“Oh, I don’t remember.”

Much screaming ensued. Now, this guy may very well have been pulling my leg, but I must know. Now, years later yet again, I have made a contact through work who may give me a reason to get back in touch with the prof and see what’s up. I’ll keep you posted.