Category: Uncategorized

Here’s the report on the Auto Show.

Surprises:

• The ability of Buffalonians to consume food and beer. Amazes me every time.
• Some dude giving away free samples of Viagra. Oh, I thought about it.

Questions:

• The Porsche Cayenne. Why?
• Where was Audi?
• What’s a guy got to do to find a car that isn’t an SUV, isn’t a boy racer, and isn’t an old man car?

I saw some very nice vehicles today. The GT (g) was there, and it was pleasure to view again. The Shelby Cobra occupied a pedestal, ready to be worshipped, as well it should. Surprisingly cool dashboard on that car. They had a Viper(g) there; always nice. Points for creativity go to Jaguar for bringing the XKR (g) from Die Another Day, complete with rear-mounted gatling gun. Why did I not bring a camera?

So, aside from the supercars, I didn’t really see a whole lot that did much for me. I want a car with 6 cylinders with price tag in the low twenties that isn’t a Scion. Since I drive a Grand Am now, I sat in the G6. Enh. The biggest surprise for me was the Suzuki Verona, just about the only car there that fit the bill. I’ll keep it in mind.

By the way, the cars with (g) after them are driveable in Gran Turismo 4. Heh heh heh….

Taking a half day tomorrow and a Friday off in a couple weeks. I met with little resistance. Will I pay for it? God yes. Will it be worth it? Still yes. Finally starting to realize that just-around-the-corner never comes.

So, what to do with this day off? Probably go visit the in-laws, which is kinda like a vacation in that it’s a change of scenery. A cheap change, which is good. This year was supposed to be the year of my triumphant return to the slopes (as were the last two), but I’m a cheapass. The release date for GT4 is February 22nd, so the ol’ PS2 may need to be brought along.

I’ve got a bad feeling about what’s going to happen to my writing once that game comes out, considering the utter dominance its predecessor had over me. I must be strong! Videogames are the time-killer. I will permit them to pass over me and through me, and when they are gone, only I will remain.

It’s been a pretty steady few days. Have a remarkably difficult time getting up, go to work, eat dinner, watch TV, play videogames, go to sleep. Not much to report on the Alex front, so I’ll send you some other places.

If you like folklore or Japan or all of the above, check this out. Click around to find other totally sweet stuff.

If you’re going to be in NY in the coming weeks, go check this out.

Want to know what I’ve been listening to? Go check this out. RHAPSODY Link

Looking to waste some time? Go check this out.

Weird day. I was through the looking glass. The simple became intricate, and the perfect flawed. I was called upon to guard the defenseless, presented with a riddle in a strange language, and given a mysterious package with no explanation but a warning.

I think I need more sleep.

Let me tell you, my friends, the tale of two Super Bowls. I was invited to two events this year, and split my time between them.

The first took place on a remote island. I walked into the garage and was greeted by two dogs and two very large men. I had interrupted their game of Madden 2000 for the N64, but they didn’t seem to mind. I put my beer in the snow out back. Inside, chicken wing dip and tacitos (sp?) were warming for our delight. We set up the table to play a drinking game they had made up a few weeks prior, which mainly involves the throwing of dice and the shouting of rude names. This was a grand time.

Back to the city for Super Bowl event number two. A walk up to the finished attic revealed three men dressed in black and seated in front of a very large TV, staring in silence. A table to the side had homemade guacamole and gourmet cheese to eat. The men drank cola, or mixed drinks. We watched the game, mainly making fun of the commentators, until about the end of the third quarter, at which point someone put a motion on the floor to break up the uncomfortable silence and change the entertainment to the Xbox. For the remainder of the night we shot the hell out of each other with great success. This, also, was a grand time.

And there you have it. A short trip down the highway between the two ends of the earth.

Let me tell you, my friends, the tale of two Super Bowls. I was invited to two events this year, and split my time between them.

The first took place on a remote island. I walked into the garage and was greeted by two dogs and two very large men. I had interrupted their game of Madden 2000 for the N64, but they didn’t seem to mind. I put my beer in the snow out back. Inside, chicken wing dip and tacitos (sp?) were warming for our delight. We set up the table to play a drinking game they had made up a few weeks prior, which mainly involves the throwing of dice and the shouting of rude names. This was a grand time.

Back to the city for Super Bowl event number two. A walk up to the finished attic revealed three men dressed in black and seated in front of a very large TV, staring in silence. A table to the side had homemade guacamole and gourmet cheese to eat. The men drank cola, or mixed drinks. We watched the game, mainly making fun of the commentators, until about the end of the third quarter, at which point someone put a motion on the floor to break up the uncomfortable silence and change the entertainment to the Xbox. For the remainder of the night we shot the hell out of each other with great success. This, also, was a grand time.

And there you have it. A short trip down the highway between the two ends of the earth.

Did something new today. Took a half an hour drive to see a car. A local Ford dealership has a GT on display, and Holy Jesus was it worth it. They made like 5,000 of these things, and they run about $125K. If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up. Right there in the showroom, besides the disappointing Mustang, is this beast of a vehicle, on display behind a white chain as if it were a piece of art. Now, if I were a for-real car guy, I’d be going on about all kinds of details. I’m only a dabbler, so all I can say is that it was goddamn hot. Once again I find myself incapable of waiting for Gran Turismo 4.

Here’s the only negative thing I have to say about the Ford GT: there’s a sweet looking speaker between the seats. Why is that negative? Under what circumstances are you playing the radio while driving this thing? Aren’t you supposed to be listening to the angelic (demonic?) hum of the engine behind your head? Shit, if I owned that car, I’d have an Ipod with a single mp3 of that sound and would listen to it all the damn time.

A lunch-time conversation about this led to a discussion of the recent trend in handheld devices, that being the all-in-one. Cell phones that are cameras. PDAs with wireless internet. Et cetera.

So, just what would the ideal all-in-one have?

• Phone
• Pager – a subset of phone, really.
• Wireless internet – so we can all be mindless blackberry drones.
• USB drive – disks are so 2002.
• PDA, and everything that implies.
• MP3 player
• Digital camera
• Video recorder – phones have these now, right?
• DVD player – miniDVDs are on their way, so why not?
• Videogame device – with the rash of handhelds coming out, add a D-pad to the thing and we’re go.
• GPS device
• Radio – kinda weird to think about, isn’t it? Transistor radios?
  
• Satellite TV – possible? No clue.
  

Any of these would also be cool.

• flashlight – so you can stop using the spooky screen-glow to find things in the dark,
  
• tazer / mace / personal alarm – the issue here it, it becomes a weapon.
  
• tweezers, toothpick, etc. Anything in the Victorinox Swiss Card
  
• mini-projector – why not?
  
• lighter – Colibri makes real small ones. Throw it on there! Need a light? It’s right next to the button that reveals all of my personal information!
  

Recent events have sown the seeds for the latest in my series of stories set in someone else’s world: Bond in Buffalo.

James Bond, after having many adventures in exotic locales, finally tracks his quarry to Buffalo, NY. Q makes him take the BMW, because he won’t let the Vanquish anywhere near the Rust Belt. Bond shows up on a Sunday afternoon in December, dying for a drink after the endlessly boring drive of the 90. At first, he is under the impression that a neutron bomb has gone off, due to the utter lack of people or traffic. M informs him there’s a Bills game on.

He heads straight for the restaurant at which he is supposed to meet his escort for the night. He walks to the bar and lights up a smoke, much to the surprise and dismay of everyone around him. A woman walks up and asks that he extinguish it, slipping something into his jacket pocket.

It’s an invitation to a party being held by the evil mastermind, as per the plan. James downs his martini and heads back to his car, which is now covered with snow. As he brushes it off, getting salt and snow all over his suit, somebody asks him for thirty-seven cents to get to Niagara Falls. James declines and drives off.

A few hours later, and the party begins. James is on the prowl for someone to close the movie with, but can’t help noticing that all of the women are middle-aged and short. He asks the bartender where all the girls are, and receives the answer that everyone of eligible age has moved away. The bartender is clearly disappointed that James is straight.

Bond sneaks around until he is face to face with the bad guy, whose henchman captures him. As Bond is slowly lowered to a painful death, the mastermind reveals his plan to buy land to the west of every major city in the world. He will make man-made lakes, causing lake effect weather across the globe.

The mastermind would have been happy hijacking the signature bridge to get the bingo monies, or even opening a Mighty Taco at the new waterfront, but these were just pipe dreams, and now, scarred and disappointed, he is bent on world domination.